Antagonizing folk making “demands”

A while ago I came across a very fascinating situation: a toxic white liberal making demands and accusations towards a black guy minding his own business.

Here’s the story: the black guy is a fellow in the military.  The white male accused the black guy of being a coon, out of nowhere (only because he’s a military fellow, which is another topic.)  Being that I’m a military vet who is dedicated to fighting racism, sexism, and fascism, I figured that I’ll technically “draw fire” and get this toxic white liberal into a critical thinking mode. When I drew fire (made the person deal with me as his target) the toxic white liberal took the bait.  The toxic liberal then began, in a disrespecting, antagonizing demeanor, began demanding answers which pertain to how one feels about, let’s say, being a tool of white supremacy, a facilitator of violence upon nonwhite people around the world.

Seemed like a valid question in itself, but let’s face it; the drunk-on-white-privilege fellow didn’t care about my feelings, mental or emotional health as a black person who is attempting to make his way in a white supremacist world. The toxic white liberal asked the question as a loaded question, meaning that the question was meant to anathematize a demonize myself a black man.

This isn’t the only story where a white person sought to antagonize my black self by probing for answers somewhere.  Another situation that happened two years ago where a recovering white conservative friend of mine (a friendship he soured, of course) began antagonizing me when I opened up on the moment where a cop shoved a gun 2 feet from my face while I was in a vehicle.  The butt-hurt toxic white friend “demanded answers” to what I did next, as in, why didn’t I do something more protest-like or something.  In essence, he’s demanding that I lay down my life in the moment, yell at the cop (like a white chick) who had a gun in my face, and get me murdered.  This took place in 2011, so a lot of my work I’m known for now wouldn’t even exist had I responded like a white guy in a very black situation.

Tired
In most cases, “demanding answers” in an antagonizing manner is re-traumatizing to people of color.

It’s a white privilege in itself to antagonize a black person for trying to make a living in this white supremacist world (or a woman working in a sexist world).  It’s also problematic when black people do the same thing.  If you are antagonizing black people for living within a white supremacist power structure, you’re no different than any toxic white person.  It is also not a moot point that there is an element of gaslighting when people decide to antagonize you with your own past or previous judgement calls.

The bigger point I want to make here, is my answers in both of those scenarios: I didn’t answer a damn thing.  Why?  Because I don’t owe them shit.  More to the point, I don’t owe them my internal conflict.  And you don’t, whoever you are, either.

  • A sex worker who is dealing with someone demanding answers?  You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
  • A military or ex-military person dealing with someone demanding answers?  You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
  • Ex-drug dealer who changed for the better, dealing with someone demanding answers?  You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
  • Have any type of dark past or hidden demons or skeletons in the backdrop of your memory, and someone is bringing them to question as a means to antagonize you?  You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.

The list can go on forever.

You don’t owe anyone your internal conflict.

007 - 23 - Casino Royale (1).gif
James Bond, finding himself via internal dialogue.  He’s not a character who explains out his sins.

If you ever seen a James Bond movie, one thing that makes an actor really stand out is not his women, or gadgets, but his silent, voiceless scenes.  The best James Bond depictions are depicted as a flawed character who doesn’t necessarily explain out his internal conflict.

Some people are open books; they write and share everything on their Facebook wall.  Someone like myself?  I sit back and think.  That’s it.  I sit back, sometimes, and just think to myself.  I engage in my own internal dialogue.  Maybe it’s a matter of hyper-masculinity, where I as a man do not talk about my feelings much.  Maybe via toxic masculinity, I’m detached from feeling things properly, or making them open.  I’m not exactly sure what the answer is, but I do know that there are voiceless moments where I’m lost and found in my own internal dialogue, especially when it comes to any traumatic events or activities, occurrences, or internal conflict.

Is that a sin or a crime?

The next time someone demanded answers concerning my internal conflict, I sarcastically retorted with, “Oh is that a sin or a crime?” 

If someone is antagonizing you, remember as I did — you don’t owe them explanations of your internal conflict.

Written by Johnny Silvercloud

The Soul Brother #1 of a Kind. Consequentialist street photographer abolitionist writer/speaker who stands for any oppressed peoples. I do it because every man and woman deserves freedom of thought -- especially black folks.

9 comments

  1. Amen! I hate when people question whatever decisions made in a particular moment. If I’m okay with that decision then it’s none of their business what I was thinking. If I’m not okay with the decision then the internal turmoil belongs only to me, and I don’t have to share.

    Whatever I decided in a moment is the best decision I could make at the time I made it, and even my family members know they don’t get to question why I do anything in my life, unless it directly affects them. I’m certainly not going to answer to uninvolved strangers.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This makes me think of the #metoo “movement” and how it became kinda trendy to divulge on such impersonal platforms. It’d be different if speaking to a room full of victims. It’d make more sense for a mom to share with her son who needs to learn how to treat women.

    Anywho, great post. I couldn’t agree more.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow! Thanks for your excellent post. Your point is relevant in so many situations. Very insightful piece.

    Being the new Year, I wanted to personally thank you for your posts. I have read a nice chunk of your work over the last year, and you inspire me. You make me think. This has been a very tough year for me and for so many others. Our country is falling down. We are abandoning our founding ideals. America has never been perfect. But in general we have trended toward improvement. And now the evils of our past are out again, even sitting in the White House. I have never been so ashamed at what our country is becoming. But you and your work have helped me to better understand what is happening and how it is happening form the perspective of the person of color in America today. I used to think I understood, but I am now realizing I never quite have. I am white, so I have white privilege, even though I never realized I did. And your writing opened my eyes to that. And with more education, perhaps we can come together again to try to make this country better for us all. Thanks for your inspiration and for your perspective.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes he writes quite well Can appreciate the rawness & depth. You’ll get additional insight reading In search of black assassins It’s on wordpress Is written by Ray black panther in 70’s. It is harsh realities Never apologise for being white btw. God gave you your skin/tribe. The rest is what we do with it. I must add white privilege did very little for me to this day Being lower socio economic you fight for everything from womb to tomb education work rights etc Read Ignatiev how irish became white – it explains the sellout well & how it rolls. Also Race traitor is worth a read. To me it is spiritual warfare more than flesh issue. That’s just the surface stuff. It is demonic strategies. Trump is a devil. A masonic devil at that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. I will look at your recommendations. It seems to me that like minded people, regardless of color or background, are much stronger together. We all need to stand together as one to fight the evil. Thanks for the inspiration again. At least we are not alone. Tell Johnny, thanks again.

        Like

  4. Accept we ask wypipp all the time how they can think what they do, their own personal inner conflict on issues that affect us. Sorry I don’t understand this post. This sounds like “Quit questioning me about shit I say, do or did that are NOT congruous to what I say and do or did, because I haven’t got a a good answer” But I guess I won’t be getting a response.

    Like

    1. White people are the majority who holds the most socio-economic power in America, black people are not. You cannot compare asking white people to practically be decent and dismantle racism — a system THEY DESIGNED THEMSELVES, with demanding black people, trans people, women, or any other MARGINALIZED GROUP to open up, confess all… especially when that person who’s asking is shitting on them and have NO intent on learning anything.

      If you don’t get what’s being said here, reading the other comments prior to commenting may assist in understanding.

      Like

  5. “If you are antagonizing black people for living within a white supremacist power structure, you’re no different than any toxic white person.”
    How could anyone claim otherwise, I wonder. So much gaslighting in the scene you describe. Sickening.

    And besides, this is great advice anywhere for anyone. Demanding the play by play on someone else’s thinking process is akin to mind control. Abusive af. And let’s face it, it’s used in that manner all the time by the white patriarcy.

    Liked by 1 person

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