Antagonizing folk making “demands”
A while ago I came across a very fascinating situation: a toxic white liberal making demands and accusations towards a black guy minding his own business.
Here’s the story: the black guy is a fellow in the military. The white male accused the black guy of being a coon, out of nowhere (only because he’s a military fellow, which is another topic.) Being that I’m a military vet who is dedicated to fighting racism, sexism, and fascism, I figured that I’ll technically “draw fire” and get this toxic white liberal into a critical thinking mode. When I drew fire (made the person deal with me as his target) the toxic white liberal took the bait. The toxic liberal then began, in a disrespecting, antagonizing demeanor, began demanding answers which pertain to how one feels about, let’s say, being a tool of white supremacy, a facilitator of violence upon nonwhite people around the world.
Seemed like a valid question in itself, but let’s face it; the drunk-on-white-privilege fellow didn’t care about my feelings, mental or emotional health as a black person who is attempting to make his way in a white supremacist world. The toxic white liberal asked the question as a loaded question, meaning that the question was meant to anathematize a demonize myself a black man.
This isn’t the only story where a white person sought to antagonize my black self by probing for answers somewhere. Another situation that happened two years ago where a recovering white conservative friend of mine (a friendship he soured, of course) began antagonizing me when I opened up on the moment where a cop shoved a gun 2 feet from my face while I was in a vehicle. The butt-hurt toxic white friend “demanded answers” to what I did next, as in, why didn’t I do something more protest-like or something. In essence, he’s demanding that I lay down my life in the moment, yell at the cop (like a white chick) who had a gun in my face, and get me murdered. This took place in 2011, so a lot of my work I’m known for now wouldn’t even exist had I responded like a white guy in a very black situation.
It’s a white privilege in itself to antagonize a black person for trying to make a living in this white supremacist world (or a woman working in a sexist world). It’s also problematic when black people do the same thing. If you are antagonizing black people for living within a white supremacist power structure, you’re no different than any toxic white person. It is also not a moot point that there is an element of gaslighting when people decide to antagonize you with your own past or previous judgement calls.
The bigger point I want to make here, is my answers in both of those scenarios: I didn’t answer a damn thing. Why? Because I don’t owe them shit. More to the point, I don’t owe them my internal conflict. And you don’t, whoever you are, either.
- A sex worker who is dealing with someone demanding answers? You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
- A military or ex-military person dealing with someone demanding answers? You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
- Ex-drug dealer who changed for the better, dealing with someone demanding answers? You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
- Have any type of dark past or hidden demons or skeletons in the backdrop of your memory, and someone is bringing them to question as a means to antagonize you? You don’t owe them your internal dialogue.
The list can go on forever.
You don’t owe anyone your internal conflict.
If you ever seen a James Bond movie, one thing that makes an actor really stand out is not his women, or gadgets, but his silent, voiceless scenes. The best James Bond depictions are depicted as a flawed character who doesn’t necessarily explain out his internal conflict.
Some people are open books; they write and share everything on their Facebook wall. Someone like myself? I sit back and think. That’s it. I sit back, sometimes, and just think to myself. I engage in my own internal dialogue. Maybe it’s a matter of hyper-masculinity, where I as a man do not talk about my feelings much. Maybe via toxic masculinity, I’m detached from feeling things properly, or making them open. I’m not exactly sure what the answer is, but I do know that there are voiceless moments where I’m lost and found in my own internal dialogue, especially when it comes to any traumatic events or activities, occurrences, or internal conflict.
Is that a sin or a crime?
The next time someone demanded answers concerning my internal conflict, I sarcastically retorted with, “Oh is that a sin or a crime?”
If someone is antagonizing you, remember as I did — you don’t owe them explanations of your internal conflict.