Usually we’ll talk around the hour of seven or eight.  No matter what, that’s simply what takes place.

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For some strange reason this pattern is broken.  There are  no calls or text.  And what’s worse there’s no answering your calls.

“Ghosting” is when someone you’re dating ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without any explanation.

Ghosting is a form of abuse that no one really answers for.  Because of this sheer lack of accountability, it simply hurts more.

There was a time when you may even gaslight yourself for a bit; afterall, anything can happen, anything could be possible.  Surely she (or he, just know I’m speaking from my own perspective) could have gotten quite busy out of nowhere.  I mean, why would she NOT let you know?  You talk about anything and everything; she knows she can talk to you.

But she doesn’t.  There’s no calls coming back your way.  And calling to confirm any suspicions of a breakup makes you look desperate and ridiculous.

So here you have two choices: You can:

  1. Continue to hang onto the ambiguity as if there’s a possibility that anything past this is a good idea, or;
  2. You can close out and accept the nebulous situation as a breakup and call it quits.

As a guy who attempts to find logic and reason everywhere, I tend to take the latter.  At least nowadays I do.

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Even in doing so, it still doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.

And there it is — the pain.  Why are these types of breakups so popular?

Maybe I don’t have good sense, but I always thought it’s best to talk to the person.  Let them know where you are in the relationship, and why things are not working for you.  Even though shedding words on the matter may end up netting tears, I always figured it was a respect thing for the most part; if you respect that person, you wouldn’t leave them hanging.

So from a position of respect, I really don’t understand this ghosting business.

But maybe there it is — respect.  Being that I tend to have a basic respect for those I grow intimate with, the fact that this ghosting business is so popular really escapes me.  But you know what else flew over my head?  The fact that that respect wasn’t reciprocated.

Ghosting breeds a society full of people who are emotionally stupid.

You see when it comes to love, hate really isn’t the opposing force — it’s indifference.  And because of that, neglect can do a whole lot of damage.

I really do hate ghosting.  It’s just simply, so cowardly.  A person who opts to do this to someone is a person — perhaps in the moment — devoid of basic human decency, and completely full of cowardice.

POF (Plenty of Fish), a dating app and website completed a poll in 2016 that points out that 80% of out 800 folks between 18 and 33 years of age have been ghosted.

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There’s no telling what ghosting does to the mind, body and soul.

Before the Information Age is was only a certain type of douchebag that did these things.  Maybe this is more common because the world is more connected than ever, and with the technology that exists today, there’s no excuse for a lack of communication.  Maybe folks haven’t gathered the skill or ability to relay bad news of some sort.  Ghosting is an entirely self-centered act; it’s an act of abandonment which betrays a particular trust.  The after-effects to this madness creates new standards: the person who got ghosted not only sees this as a valid option to cancel relationships, but is on edge to see this coming in the near future.  That person who got ghosted might be less likely to trust or engage their own hearts properly.

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Sometimes ghosting is so frequent in a person will seek to ghost someone quick before they get ghosted themselves.

Another problem with ghosting is this simple fact:  it ushers a future full of people who may jump into relationships without any conflict-management skills.  If a person does not have the practiced capacity to handle relationship-end conflict, how is that person going to handle issues, problems and other conflicting matters during a relationship?

This is why you get people who are 30+ who don’t know how to handle anything in a relationship.  This is why we have a mass of people always running away from problems, instead of being problem solvers.  We have an entire society of people — both men and women — who have NO idea how to de-conflict or de-escalate tense situations with intimate partners.  Ghosting breeds a society full of people who are emotionally stupid.

Ghosting is also a gaslighting-adjacent.  While it might not truly be gaslighting literally, it does has a lot of the same effect in doing so.  Part of this effect is how the person who gets ghosted has no idea why things ended the way it did.  Part of this effect is how that person begins to doubt themselves, second guess everything they did, and second guess what they do in a relationship in the future.  They simply don’t know what went wrong.  Ghosting, is a form abuse.  Ghosting is a form of abuse that no one really answers for.  Because of this sheer lack of accountability, it simply hurts more.

There’s definitely a better way of breaking up, or letting someone know you aren’t interested.

Say something.  Talk.  Speak it out.  Stop being an emotional coward. Let them know where your head and heart is.  Get good at managing conflict.  Please.

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And I’m out.

Written by Johnny Silvercloud

The Soul Brother #1 of a Kind. Consequentialist street photographer abolitionist writer/speaker who stands for any oppressed peoples. I do it because every man and woman deserves freedom of thought -- especially black folks.

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