I remember growing up as a multicultural child and being absolutely ecstatic about seeing mixed raced families.  Hell, I remember being a young adult and feeling my heart smile when I seen mixed raced couples with children.  Today, I feel everything but that.  To be honest, I feel sorry for the children more often than hopeful.  As offensive as this may be to white people with non-white children, I think I have plenty of experience to speak on this subject, without coming from a  place of ignorance.  A place of ignorance similar to that of a person who thinks racism dissipates from their lifestyle simply by bedding or birthing people of color. I suppose it is only fair to go into detail with my reasoning behind feeling that it is more often a burden than a blessing for a black or brown child, being birthed by a non-white parent and a parent of color, so I’ll waste no time.

Parents engaging in erasure

“My child is mixed, not Black or White.”

The audacity to believe that you get to change your child’s race based on the mixture that most American’s have, because you’re not a person of color.  Yes, this is an issue because, believe it or not, your child is going to be seen as the dominant genome, which damn sure isn’t going to be European.  When people speak to ‘mixed’ people, they don’t ask if they are mixed and proceed to ask, “with white and what else?”  People will ask if they are Asian, African, Black, Latino, etc., and something else, because that is what society sees when they look at ‘light skinned’ people of color.  When Vanessa Williams was the first person who looked like her to become Miss America.  When  Barack Obama became the first person who looked like him to become President.  When W.E.B. DuBois became the first person who looks like him to became the first person looking like him to earn a Doctor of Philosophy from Harvard, what were they labeled as?  With Vanessa’s blue eyes, DuBois’ straight and fine hair, and Obama’s face, so similar to his white grandfather?  Yes, you got it — they were the first Blacks to do what they did.

Not only that, they were every N-word in the book, met with more hatred than most before them.  Williams lost the title, Obama was labeled worse than his accomplishments could fathom, and Harvard stopped allowing people of color in their school for decades after him.  Not because they had a white parent, but, because they were black.  Raising the children to believe they are not black, because you are not black, while society sees nothing but, is not only a disservice to them, but extremely dangerous for them, with black folks and nonwhites. It’s very ignorant and selfish on your part, especially as a parent.

Operation Ebony Shield

“I can’t be racist, I have a Black child!”

mixie-girlUsing your children as a token or leverage, anytime you feel uncomfortable, holier than thou, or cornered into race debates.  More of a reason you shouldn’t have the blessing of a Black or Brown child, because you’re more a burden than you know.  If you still believe that a child of color, spouse/lover of color is enough for you to not be racist, you most likely do not believe in researching the troubles that people of color are faced with today.  Not only that, you probably tell people on a regular basis that, “All Lives Matter”, or, “my child won’t sag, be disrespectful, or ghetto when they grow up.”   You most likely believe that the simple task of not dropping the N-bomb is enough to not be a racist as well.  This is just as ignorant as believing that a Black/Brown acquaintance or ‘friend’ is proof that you’re not a bigot.  I’m sure Dylan Roof would agree, but I don’t.  As lazy as American’s have become over the years, always trying to do less for more, non-white sex and procreation seems to be the easy way out of political discussions about systemic racism, as if having a mother or a lover who is a woman is enough to not be a sexist.

Colorblindness Enable Racism in America

“I don’t see color, I see people!”

The most disrespectful thing to say to people of color seems to be the most self-fulfilling thing for a White person to say to nonwhite people!

More proof of the complete opposite lifestyles and circumstances we have. Telling people that you do not see color is like telling them you do not see their struggle, meaning, you damn sure don’t have what it takes to raise a child who will have struggles that you never will face, outside of being seen as an N-word lover, in the presence of that lil N-word.  And yes, you’re going to have to get used to that child being called derogatory names, as terms of endearment and hate, because you brought that on yourself, as did your people on their people.  Don’t like it?  You should of probably thought about that before pretending you not mentioning color would change society’s view of that race or ethnicity.  Your White privilege has you believing that you not calling out the color of others will stop other Whites from doing so.  Sorry Snow White, that ain’t happening.

The Fostering of Self-Hate

“White Men/Women respect me more than Black/Brown!”

This!!!! The biggest issue that leads to interracial relationships and relations is self hatred. People can deny it all day, ‘errr’ day, but it will not change the fact that, the majority of people of color who are dating or having babies outside of their race/ethnic background are people who have self-esteem issues with their dominant features, self-hatred in their own race, based on the treatment they feel they’ve received by their own people  for acting, dressing, being different than the “rest of them”, or, simply a  fetishist of others, based on the lack of those people/features in their own family or  inner circles. This is a mental issue that must be addressed or fixed before having children with different features, or, it will manifest itself in those children, as a result of the parental ignoring their own issues that they hand off onto the child bared.

00I am not a person who uses absolutes, so I will not say that White people should never have non-White children, nor will I say that they are all incapable of raising damn fine men and women of color, but, I will say it’s slim to friggin’ none.  Not because of the lack of ability or finances or stability, but, from the inability to research and understand the differences in treatment and judgment towards those non-White citizens and checking the White privilege and ego at the door. Brushing race under the rug in America is everything but logical and respectful, believe it or not.  Meaning well is well-wishing, doing well is progression.  Colorblindness is the other side of the racist field, where color defines your thoughts, because it’s what scares you from the importance of looking its issues in the eye and fighting it head on.  Not only will the children face society’s ugliness, you will too.  This will be a reason to see your beautiful blessing as a burden, and them you.

 Photography Credit: Jerry Von Krasten
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Written by Rae Rivera

An extremely logical and passionate, revolutionary minded, maternally obsessed parental. Never able to stay silent or sane while inequalities and discrepancies are in my presence. Until people's actions meet the same standards as their minds, I will never stay silent. I believe in research, common sense, children are the future and main priority, and politics are pathological con men and women.

6 comments

  1. Dating outside of your race is self hatred? No. It’s called individualism. I’m sorry to see that you do not like the idea of people feeling in love with those that they choose to fall in love with. That is not self hatred. You are a cultist.

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  2. Joe, could you acknowledge where she’s coming from? Her truth? Not just defensively react?

    Thank you, Rae, food for thought.

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  3. Dear Ms. Rivera,
    I hear and respect your anger and your views.
    I thank you for sharing your perspectives.

    I would like to passionately counter that ANY argument for separatism based on ANYTHING at all is based on deeply ingrained falsehoods that were made up long ago and intended to weaken us – One People torn apart by the greed and ignorance the few have inflicted on the masses.
    I do think you make an excellent point about parents, friends, lovers, EVERYONE putting in the time, research, heart, soul, money, love, and blood to try to deeply understand another’s suffering, and the systemic sickness that infects our nation (and many other nations, as well, of course. I don’t diminish the vast nature of the issue).
    “Race” is fake, but “racism” is very, very real.
    It is driven by fear, and economic. It is a form of control. It has no place in the world, and it must be revealed, reviled, and remembered as among the worst lies, causing most of the greatest atrocities people have ever endured.

    I am privileged to be part of a multi-racial family. I am privileged to have been raised to learn about ALL the history of America. I strive to continue to learn. Even when it has brought me pain to know, so much also continues to make me so proud of , and astounded by all those who struggled, and fought, and lived, and loved, and used the very best within themselves to try and do the very best they were able to by others.
    All great and good things are done by imperfect people.
    I doubt I’ll achieve greatness, but I know I can always do good.
    I do not take my privileges for granted; I take them as an opportunity to effect change, even if it’s one conversation at a time.

    And, finally, I have also been privileged — and it IS a privilege; I didn’t always know that. I just thought it was normal — to have seen true love, happiness, success, contentment, genius, joy–LIFE in so many “mixed” couples, and so many brilliant, beautiful, loved, loving children in so many families of multiple ethnicities (races, if you prefer), that I
    could not possibly think that what you say sounds frighteningly like the same old anti-miscegenation and segregation laws.
    We all need to face FACTS.
    FACT: “RACISM” is a massive systemic sickness. We ALL must fight to condemn and irradicate it
    FACT: “RACES” are total bullsh*t, and there’s not the slightest bit of genuine scientific evidence to support black and white being any different from blue-eyed and brown-eyed, or tall and short.
    We ALL came out of Africa. We are all share AT LEAST 99.5% (estimates are as high as 99.9%) of our DNA.
    (Side note: Inbreeding is, quite likely, along with segregation, really not helping people see clearly. Just look at royal families, or isolated communities. Scary stuff).
    We ALL must fix this place we call AMERICA. We start by fixing ourselves.
    White people (and there are a lot of idiotic predudices within all of us, too), yes, the burden IS ON YOU — I see it more as gift – if you were blind, you CAN actually learn to see.

    Find your ignorances, then FIGHT them, then FIX them!
    The best way to do that is to learn from others, from history, from your own experiences, but LISTEN, and never simply dismiss someone’s suffering, someone’s desire to help, someone’s ability to change, or someone’s capacity for love.

    Thank you for your insight. I will fight with you always. And, wherever it finds you, most of all, I wish you love. Peace.

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  4. I do agree that the garbage thinking you describe exists in white parents of non-white children. But please don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. I’m in the same pool, and believe it’s my responsibility to debunk the “ebony shield” and to listen, listen, listen to what i can’t know from experience. And to not deflect when my on racism is pointed out. Bottom line, yes, it’s real. But don’t give up on me and my child.

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